I am 41 years old and was diagnosed last month with anal cancer. I am so embarrassed and ashamed to tell people that I have anal cancer. It's so bad that I haven't really told anyone but my close family.
I am afraid that people will judge me or make fun of me. I fear people will think that I have been promiscuous or had a lot of anal sex and this is what caused my cancer. When I do tell people what kind of cancer I have, I either whisper it or always tell them that the doctors are stumped by what may have caused it.
How can I get over being ashamed and embarrassed by having anal cancer?
First, know that you are not alone. Many cancer patients, especially with colon, rectal and anal cancer, feel the same way you do. By nature, these are very private areas of our bodies that we would not normally speak about in everyday conversation.
Then, a cancer diagnosis comes along and suddenly you feel like you have to talk about it with others. It can feel uncomfortable, and some people do experience shame or embarrassment.
While it may be easier to tell people you have skin cancer or even breast cancer, letting others know that you have anal cancer may be an opportunity to increase awareness about the disease. When actress Farrah Fawcett announced she was fighting anal cancer, she ignited much-needed awareness about the disease. Suddenly, people thought that if Farrah had it, then they could be at risk, too. You may be able to find your strength and overcome your shame by educating friends and family when you tell them about your diagnosis.
Read more about Farrah Fawcett's anal cancer diagnosis.
You should also know that while receiving anal sex and having multiple sex partners are risk factors for anal cancer, they aren't the only risk factors. Smoking cigarettes, being infected with the human papillomavirus (HPV) and having anal fistulas all raise a person's risk for developing anal cancer. It definitely isn't a "gay man's disease," as it has been called in the past, and it is not exclusive to those who have had many sexual partners.
Cancer is a fickle disease - there are people who have known risk factors and never develop anal cancer. And there are those who don't have any risk factors and develop it. In many cases, it is virtually impossible to pinpoint what caused the cancer. So, when you tell people that doctors are unsure of what caused your anal cancer, you are absolutely correct.
Your cancer journey is as private as you want it to be. Some people feel obligated to tell their family and friends, and others divulge information on a need-to-know basis. I always recommend telling people who will lift you up and support you on your cancer journey. It is certainly your decision, but know that your cancer battle can be a private one should you want it to be.
Learn how to tell friends and family that you have cancer.
Finally, you can always seek help from a professional therapist or counselor. Coping with the many aspects of cancer can be difficult. Talking with someone, like a therapist or psychologist, can help you organize your feelings and become more comfortable with your diagnosis.
You may also want to consider joining a support group for people with anal cancer. There are several online, and there may be groups in your community. Check with your local hospital for information.
